One of the things I love most about being a photographer is being invited into families to capture moments that are most precious to them. Moments they want to remember forever, moments filled with love and beauty and everything that is good. It is a responsibility and privilege in equal measure and I am grateful every time someone reaches out and asks me into their lives, even just for a moment.

Nick and I were blessed to photograph these two beautiful souls on their wedding day and last week I shared a beautiful morning with them on Erica’s parents property outside Byron Bay to document their second beautiful journey into parenthood. I felt their precious baby Charlotte’s gentle spirit all around us and I know she will be watching and guiding her beautiful baby brother or sister safely into the world. Capturing their joy and seeing the healing and happiness in their hearts was a beautiful gift.

Erica and Wal you are amazing parents. Your gentle spirits, dignity and love are an inspiration. I can’t wait to be meet your beautiful second child. He or she is truly blessed being born into your amazing little family. So much love from me to you xoxoxox

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Dear Dad

Today you are 80 years old. 80 years.

What an amazing life you’ve led.

I’m know you’ve stopped many times to consider all you’ve experienced and I’ve listened to and loved your stories, I’ve retold them to my children. I hope I never forget.

How different this world must seem to you. How fast, how unnecessarily  complicated when you compare it to the life you lived as a child.  A simpler, quieter, harder life. But a great one.  And a tough one. I love how you tell is how it was without complaint or drama. It just was the way it was ‘back then’.  There are so many cliché’s and jokes built around that old chestnut of ‘when I was a boy we had to walk miles barefoot in the cold just to get to school’  but you actually did walk miles to school, barefoot, in the dark and cold, barely older than Oscar is now. I can’t even imagine it.

You must look at us and shake your head at how soft we are, how good we’ve got it, and always have had it. 40 years I’ve lived and I’ve never really done it tough. Not in the way you did. You made sure of that. You have been there. Providing, teaching, loving, guiding, being.

40 years. 40 years of knowing, without question, that you are there. That I am never without options, that there is another home for me to go to, that I am loved, unconditionally, that there is nothing I could do or say that would change that, that I am loved for everything that is the best and worst of me because you and I know both know you’ve seen it all. You have withstood everything I’ve had to throw at you and never wavered.  On the darkest nights my world just  feels safer with you in it. Even when you have been thousands of miles away I have always known you’re there. There is no greater gift you have could have given to your child.

I know there could have been a different path for you, one where you didn’t become a dairy farmer and continue the only life you’d ever really known, on the land. I know you’ve wondered about where a different, more selfish choice might have led you, the ‘what ifs’ and ‘what could have been’, but rather than grow bitter, you took what you had and you made the very, very best of it and you succeeded, and along the way you and mum created a beautiful life for us. I hope as you look back, you will recognise that no riches or glory could have been better than what we had and the life you built for your family. I hope you know how loved you were, and are still.

I have learned so much from you. Lessons that I will teach my children and hope that they will teach theirs.

I have learned that one of the most important things in life is to be true. You fight so passionately (and pretty loudly given how deaf you are) for what you believe in, for what you know to be fair and honest and while we don’t always agree, there is something I love about our family shouting each other down over the table about one world issue or another while someone calls for more beer and wine to fuel the fire a little more and mum wonders what on earth is going on. You raised us that way, to be passionate and true and stand up for what we believe to be right.

I have learned that when it all comes down to it, that family and the people we love, are everything. Everything.  You and mum raised us to be decent, good, kind, fair, honest human beings. We work hard, we live passionately, we love each other, and you deeply. Thank you for them. For my sisters and my brother. For teaching us to look out for each other.  And for everything you taught us to be.

My love of words, of writing, of expression, of books, are a gift from you. You have the most amazing way with words, a sensitivity, a depth, a wisdom and although we don’t see it often, it makes me wish you had spent so much more of your 80 years putting pen to paper.  I’ll do it for both of us. Every word I write has a tiny part of you in it and wherever it takes me, I will carry you with me.

I see your incredible intelligence manifesting in your grandchildren, in their remarkable gifts and talents and while it’s easy to believe that spotlight should have been shining on you in this lifetime, it turns out it was just gently flickering away in the background, ready to burst out in full glory two generations later.  Look at your family, at these remarkable children, at each of the extraordinary people whose lives you have helped shape and tell me you have not achieved extraordinary things in this life. Your life has been a beautiful gift.

I have been blessed beyond measure to call you ‘Dad’, blessed to see you become a grandfather to our children. I don’t want to imagine a world without you in it and I am grateful for having you to guide me through the first 40 years of this life.

I know I tell you all the time that I love you but I wonder if you really know the depth of how grateful I am for you, for the choices you made, for the life you built for us, for the legacy you will leave. Your love has been the greatest gift to us and that will flow through the generations to follow us. We were protected so fiercely, hugged so tightly, held so dearly, loved so deeply.  That kind of love doesn’t stop at the end of one lifetime.

Happy 80th birthday lovely Father, you are everything a daughter could hope to have and the very best any man could ever hope to be.

xoxoxo

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Thank you Lyndal for sharing your gorgeous family with me for an hour and allowing me to capture everything beautiful between you xoxo

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My lovely friend Caroline, knowing how I love documenting our life, suggested I do a weekly recap of life as it happened over the week (or rather as I captured on Instagram, my newest obsession). I completely loved the idea and so here we are, the week that was (well actually the week and 2 extra days, I blame the Easter Bunny

It was a pretty amazing week actually, according to my Instagram updates and looking through this little cluster of photos reminded me of just how ridiculously blessed I am, living this life with amazing friends, experiencing new things, watching my children grow and strive, going to concerts that feed my soul and having my prioritites thrown clearly into perspective as fast as a small blonde girl can fall headfirst out of a four wheel drive. This life, the beautiful little life of ours, I am so grateful..

On Sunday we went to a Fig and Macadamia Harvest Party. It was amazing.

On Monday she wore pink pyjamas to school with no shoes and insisted on leading Teddy all the way (particularly the wrong way).

On Tuesday she woke up and declared that pink was no longer her favourite colour and had been replaced by blue.

On Tuesday afternoon Oscar swam, rode and ran his huge little heart out to finish his very first triathlon. I was truly proud of him.

On Wednesday night the full moon was beautiful and haunting and Eli was as mesmerised by it as I was by him.

On Thursday afternoon, weeks of arguments, tears and effort were rewarded beautifully.

And Opa came to stay

On Friday we played on the beach at Rosebud.

And watched Oma sail by on The Sea Princess from the Blairgowrie foreshore that night.

On Saturday the boys ran with the waves at Portsea Back Beach.

And I watched Adam Duritz and Counting Crows for an hour or two then stayed up way too late drinking wine and putting the world to rights

On Sunday Nick cooked an amazing Easter lunch

And I watched my girl tumble out of the car onto rocks too fast for me to break her fall.

 On Monday morning all was well and the beach beckoned and breakfast was cooked by our boy.

I watched the boys build sand forts at Portsea and was reminded why I love this man so much, the same one I had fought with half the weekend. He gives our children the greatest gift there is, his time.

We drove home from our Easter at Blairgowrie tired and happy and reflective.

It was just an ordinary week, filled with extraordinary moments …

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Last month, when I was searching the internet for the perfect gift for a friend’s birthday, this beautiful print by Amanda Cass found its way to my browser and I fell in love with it (and all of her work for that matter). I sat and stared at it for the longest time, loving the colour, the peace, the way she floats above the chaos beneath her, the way love pulls her safely up, gently above it all. It was perfect.

As blessings in disguise would have it, FedEx lost the original package and the American supplier shipped me another one just in time for it to be two weeks late. Then last Friday, the original one arrived in the post. It is sitting in my lounge room, waiting to be framed to hang in my office, reminding me, daily, to rise above the little challenges, the temptations to yell at my children when they frustrate the life out of me, to take criticism to heart, to stress about money, to worry that I’m still not ‘there’ yet. ‘Rise above it’ she seems to whisper to me, quietly, calmly, lovingly. It is a gift, this new, beautiful piece of art in my house.

Rising above it can be easier said than done some days. And some things are just harder to find peace with than others. In the last week I have had two friends talk to me about the devastating effects of bullying of both the real life and internet kind. Both equally insidious. Oscar is doing his school project on cyber safety and internet bullying and while I applaud his school for raising awareness of it, it’s sad that it is so necessary for 9 year olds to understand it.

I am still very new to the wild beast that is social media and naive I’m sure about dos and don’ts and particular etiquette but there seems to be a growing pattern of appalling behaviour online, fuelled by the anonymity of online usernames and the facelessness of internet interactions. I am often shocked at just how vicious posts on the web can be. I don’t understand it. I am all for healthy debate and the right to disagree but respectfully expressing your opinion is vastly differently from viciously attacking anyone who dares not to share it.

Good manners, respect and basic human kindness online seem to have become relics of a time when our conversations had to be more personal and our grievances were either aired directly to the person involved and subsequently resolved or vented over drinks with a friend and forgotten about.

I’m not referring to true internet trolls, they are a species I don’t even want to understand. It is everyday people who for reasons that just baffle me, find sport in nasty comments on blogs, personal attacks in response to a post someone might have written that they don’t agree with, vicious naming and shaming and generally being offensive just because they can. It also often seems too tempting for others to jump gleefully on the bandwagon of abuse instead of suggesting the offender might like to take a step back and reconsider the venom in their words and the unseen damage they could cause.

It makes me wonder if these people would not be outraged if their child was a victim of the very bullying in the playground that they see fit to dish out online, or if they were attacked by a gang on the street who didn’t like their opinion or their haircut. I feel sure they wouldn’t be quite so ok with that. No one is ok with hurt inflicted on them or those they love but still believe it ok to heap abuse on strangers whose lives they know nothing about.

I wonder sometimes where we are headed as a society so out of touch with each other, so quick to judge and injure, so reactive and defensive.  I feel grateful that I have so far found communities both in my ‘real’ life and my online world, that are filled with kind, generous and supportive souls. I know others are not so lucky. I want to gently suggest to all those going in guns blazing to slow down, stop the flow of poison from their fingertips, step away from the computer, rethink and remember that perhaps it really is better to say nothing if you cannot find something nice to say. While you may feel powerful and unaccountable in your anonymity, karma has a funny old way of making sure you get what you give.  Wouldn’t you prefer something beautiful coming your way?

I have personally never once had a happy result from dealing with someone in a rude or aggressive way. Even if I got what I thought I wanted, even if I felt a momentary triumph from standing up for myself or retaliating against someone being unreasonable, the sense of satisfaction has always been short lived, replaced by the disquiet that comes from acting out against my better judgement.  Ultimately nothing good has come from responding in anger.  I am not suggesting we let the world walk all over us, only that we stand our ground firmly and gently without threatening someone else’s position on theirs. Agreeing to disagree opens up a world of fascinating possibility when we seek to understand and learn from other people’s point of view, even if we ultimately don’t share it.

I want to share with my children the incredible world that technology has opened up for us and the extraordinary ability to connect with other people all over the world simply by opening up our laptops. It’s amazing. But the dark side of it is dangerous and I am equally determined  to do my best to protect my children, or rather teach them to protect themselves, from the ugly parts of our society, both in the real and cyber worlds. I think the best we can do is teach them to think, and then think again before they act, to be a little street smart without removing their sense of wonder, to help them discover their own self sense of their enormous worth, an unwavering belief in themselves that will withstand the battering of a million other opinions.

It is perhaps the best we can hope for. That our children are safe, that they understand that good people with peace in their hearts don’t bully others. That it is never ok, online or in the playground, the workplace and sports field, anywhere. That it says so much more about the person doing the bullying than it ever does about them. That they choose to be kind, and when others make a different choice, that they can rise above it…

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As part of the small achievable goals approach to my more gentle, simpler life, I planned to go for an early morning walk MOST mornings, just 15 or 20 minutes with Teddy, a quiet way to start each day. Some head clearing time to enjoy the cool crispness of the early morning light, some exercise, some me time.

I started on Wednesday and it was perfect, such a gorgeous way to start the day. I got back before the kids had even really realised I was gone and was fresh and bright and cheery. A whole new way to start my mornings. I was hooked.

On Thursday I got up and into my walking gear, as I crept out our bedroom door I heard a familiar little voice call out, like she did every morning, ‘Muummmeeeee, I’m awaaaaake!’ I smiled like I do every morning when I hear it but my heart also sank just the tiniest bit, no way was I getting out of the house without her. ‘Never mind’, I thought, I’ll throw her in the buggy and power walk a few blocks around the streets. Easy.

I scooped her up and told her we were going for a walk, ‘Can I come?” she asked eyes shining. ‘Of course’, I answered ‘but we have to be quick’. I dressed her and tiptoed down the hall with her in my arms, still intent on my mission. A blonde head popped out from the bottom bunk as I walked past the boys room, ‘Where are you going mum?’ Eli asked sleepily.

‘Just out for a quick walk mate, I’ll be back soon’.

‘Can I come?’

I sighed. ‘Ok, but I’m going now’.

‘Me too!’ came a voice from the top bunk and Oscar jumped down with lighting speed.

Not quite what I had planned.

I sighed again but tried to stay cheerful. ‘Ok you can all come but we are going right now’.

They’ve never, ever, got dressed so fast. Then the bickering started, and the ‘I can’t find my shoes’, and the ’mum can you help me with my laces’. Then I got impatient and took a stand.

‘You know what, no, you can’t all come! This is meant to be my time, my early morning walk. I’m going!’

Willow burst into tears and the boys looked crestfallen. I took my stand right back again.

‘Oh alright! You can come, just hurry!’ It was everything but peaceful me-time.

Shoes found, shoelaces done, bickering silenced and we were out the door.

Until Nick piped up with, ‘I’ll be gone when you get back’. So we all had to troop back for goodbyes and for me to remind him to lock the front door because he really did need to be more vigilant about our security. He may have rolled his eyes at me but kissed me anyway and I huffed off, wondering why on earth I was bothering.

We finally left. I was still cranky but resigned.

Then we opened the back gate and the light hit me, and the birdsong, and the early morning gorgeous and I laughed, and they laughed and suddenly it was perfect.

They ran ahead, they danced, they chased Teddy, I walked around the oval a couple of times watching these three perfect beautiful children play in the soft sunshine and wondered how I got so lucky. I felt  grateful that despite not wanting to go on my walk with them that morning, we’d made it out the gate and everything had changed.

There will come a day all too soon when I will miss my children’s footsteps beside me, when my morning walks are silent and my me-time seems endless. A time when I long for the sound of their voices, for the endless questions, for them to still be small enough, and near enough, for me to ruffle their hair.

I know some time for me to catch my breath, alone, is important. It makes me calmer, a better mother, a more peaceful person. But I can choose another time. If my children want to walk with me in the morning, then I will let them, every single time. And it will make my heart smile. I will want them to walk beside for as long as they want to be there, and long after.

Things don’t always go to plan and I am learning to loosen my grip on my expectations of how things should be.

It wasn’t the walk I planned, it was better. And I hope they come again tomorrow …

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My darling friend, you are one of the greatest gifts of my life, and I am grateful for you, every single day.

Happy 40th birthday. May all of your brilliant dreams come true.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Just few little moments from the start of your beautiful festival Your amazing, generous, funny, fabulous family. Just all filled with so much love for you.

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